This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
