It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
