I'm gonna have a badass scar
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
