Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
