i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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