my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
