First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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