Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
