evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
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