Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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