You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
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