Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
