life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
