where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
