Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
the gays at disneyland are vicious
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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