somebody snuck up and got me drunk
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
