This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
