Small penises have feelings too.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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