Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
