ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
