I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
