those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
