They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Randomize