so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
He felt like a one man threesome
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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