just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize