she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Farmville is her only friend.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
