I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
