I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
