i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
