He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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