I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
