Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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