He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
