At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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