Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
