The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
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