That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
