My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
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