at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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