I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
