can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
