Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
All the doctor said was why
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
