There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
i came on her dog
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I have tasted many bathrooms
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
