alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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