Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize