well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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