I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
