He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize