So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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