Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
