I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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