At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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