Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
