worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
