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Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
