Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
