We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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