Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
This couple is walking their pig around campus
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
