sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
