return my video game
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
