I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Randomize