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The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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