There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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