So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
