Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
