the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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