He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
