How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
