I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
