U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
