My friends, they love my intelligence
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
