just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize