i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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