So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Dignity is for republicans.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
