Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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