He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
