It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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