Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
