Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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