Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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