I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
My ass is underappreciated
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
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