the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
