I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
