I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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