I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Girls should come with a carfax report
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Randomize
