Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
