So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize