I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
sex in a hospital.. check
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
