I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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