How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
