I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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