maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize