just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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