Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
