He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
