Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
