she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
