she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
The power of my boobs compel you
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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