My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
That's intense
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
