How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
