I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
