So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
