I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Randomize
