you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
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