I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
