Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
