We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
