what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Randomize
