Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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