Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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