The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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