Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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