if you like me you must not know who I am
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize