Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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