did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
