Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
